The first hurdle was a breeze. For many getting an agent can be hard.
I managed to get signed a year after shooting my first campaign on a whim. Convinced I would only model for One One Three, and that this wouldn’t go much further than that; on 26th October 2017, I signed on the dotted line.
But what I didn’t realise was just how difficult and testing on my mental health the next hurdle would be. In fact, it didn’t even feel like a hurdle. More like a brick wall.
The day after I signed my contract, I had a casting. Feeling almost like I was thrown into the deepest pool, with an inability to swim and nothing to hold onto, I arrived at my first casting confused as to what I should wear, whether mascara was appropriate and if there would be other girls there.
There were no other girls, but I was told to strip, so I was just in my underwear. Now for someone who’s suffered from body image issues and wasn’t the biggest fan of being semi-naked in front of anyone other than the woman that gave birth to her. I was both embarrassed and mortified.
After getting measured and trying on a few items, I left…and I didn’t get the job. By my second casting and reading the model guidebook my agency gave me, I had a little more understanding on what I needed to do. But I didn’t get that job either.
By my fifth casting, I was convinced maybe this wasn’t for me. I had been signed for 7 months and hadn’t booked one job. My ego was a little bruised, my self-esteem was a little down, and my confidence had been knocked to the third furthest galaxy. Yes, it was that deep.
What people didn’t tell me was that even though I was signed and had shot two campaigns before, it takes months to get your first job.
My journey of self-love and body acceptance had taken a hit. When your the one who usually judges your appearance, and then enter an industry when you’re only judged on your looks and that determines whether you get paid or not, naturally, not getting a job makes you feel a little sad.
Now almost two years later, I’ve got one regular client, shot three campaigns, one being lingerie, been in one fashion magazine editorial and met some fantastic people. While not getting a job still pinches the ego, she’s not as bruised.
What’s meant for you is meant for you. The job. The man. The opportunity. The experience. It took multiple rejections for me to recognise that.