‘He ticks every single box, but I still don’t want him’
Fashion Killer’s advice columnist and Spiritual G, Aisha Carrington answers readers’ questions about how to do this thing called life, better. Got a question for Aisha? Email askaishafk@gmail.com
Dear Aisha,
I’m not that great at explaining what’s going on in my head sometimes, so bear with me. But I hope you can give me some advice.
I’m currently dating an amazing man who basically ticks every single one of my boxes; he’s super attentive, patient, romantic and affectionate, yet I’m not sure I want to be with him. I do really like him, and I do enjoy the time we spend together, but it’s like there’s a mental block that’s preventing me from going further. Recently, he’s been talking a lot about us taking our relationship to the next level after dating for the last six months.
Each time he brings it up, I try to change the conversation. But over the weekend, I could see he was starting to get frustrated with me. I really just wanted to enjoy the time we were spending together without arguing or talking about ‘us’.
There’s something that’s stopping me, and despite liking him so much, I don’t know what is stopping me, but it’s something. To make it clear, our sexual chemistry is great, I’ve never had such great sex. We always have the best time together; there’s never a dull moment. We push each other, and he’s helped me massively while I study. But still!!
I don’t want to lose him, and I feel like I’ve become my ‘exes’. Whenever I was ready, they wouldn’t be, and it would frustrate me massively, but I’d stick around hoping they’d change their mind. But I know after months of waiting for someone to love me the way I loved them, I grew to resent them and eventually left. I don’t want this to happen with this guy, because he is pretty much the man of my dreams, and I know if I share this with him, it will hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know what to do.
I want to party and be single, but I still want him. I know how that sounds, but it’s the truth. What do I do?
Sincerely, Miss I’m Not Ready
Dear Miss I’m Not Ready
Thank you so much for your beautiful, honest letter. It sounds like commitment and the past are making you feel conflicted at the moment. This can happen when we are used to being the one who wants something more from a relationship that what we aren’t receiving. Everything you have mentioned about this man is that he is perfect for you in every way and you don’t want to lose him.
Please take what resonates with you from what I say, but I intuitively feel you may benefit from cutting energetic cords with any men from your past. This will allow you to move forward with a clean slate. If you Youtube cord cutting meditations lots will come up, pick what makes you feel calm and safe.
If you are open to crystals, blue lace agate will help you to open your heart and communications with your partner and yourself, especially if you have been hurt in the past.
Mangano calcite will also be useful to help you to connect to yourself lovingly. If you feel scared or like you have never had real love before this crystal will encourage you to show love and help maintain a healthy, supportive relationship.
You can still party, being in a relationship shouldn’t take away your freedom. But if you want to be with him, commitment and honest communication is the only thing that will make it work.
Sending love and light your Spiritual G, Aisha Carrington
Opening image: Billie on Unsplash