Story time: December Vogue edition

My flatmate throws a grey A4 package on my bed. I grab it gleefully as I see the text Condé Nast Inc. stamped on the envelope. My first Christmas present of the year and I know exactly what it is… the first edition of Vogue with Edward Enninful at the helm!

Let’s begin story time by settling in with a glass of wine – scratch that – a large bottle (we have 368 pages of goodness to get through) and put on a playlist of our favourite 80s hits…

When I saw the first pictures of the cover emerging online, I immediately tagged everyone I knew, claiming it to be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was wrong; holding the glossy mag in my hands a whole new level of beauty – I’ve never understood why people stopped buying real life copies of books and magazines, the real thing is so much more satisfying. Adwoa Aboah’s eyes are like the Mona Lisa, an always-watching-you sapphire dream. Naturally, I attempt to recreate this masterpiece, so throw my hair into my turbie towel and chuck on my most glitzy diamond earrings – pausing for a moment to DM Pat McGrath hoping she’ll stop by to help with makeup…

The cover text reads as credits for a movie that I can’t wait to see, so let’s dive in.

Scene 1: To me, adverts are as much a part of the magazine as the stories. They act as the entrée which tempts your palette for the main course to come. Whilst I could talk about each, and every ad campaign featured, I’ll flick through and get to the juicy bits. Oh look there goes that men’s Gucci suit I see myself wearing in my dreams. And the feathered Prada fall look that I tried, and I think successfully recreated with a dreamy Mango number – think Prada with early 2000s Paris Hilton; “That’s Hot.”

If you’re still with me, we’ve arrived at Edward Enninful’s first ever editor’s letter, eek! He describes how his first thoughts on hearing he would be the new editor-in-chief were of his “late mother – who came to this country as an immigrant – and how proud she would have been.” Enninful goes on to discuss how this issue is a celebration of Britain – the ever-changing London he grew up in and wants to celebrate. “Be sure of this: my Vogue will be the fashion bible,” I knew with Enninful’s background in styling – remember that W mag Rhianna cover? – The editorials would soon be plastering my walls.

Oh look Guerlain perfume sample, perfect now I’ll smell like Angelina Jolie.

Onto the Trend report. There are those glitter Chanel boots that I think are the daytime casual equivalent to the YSL slouchy heeled crystal boots. Day to night in under £8000 – provided you wear nothing but the boots… Accessories rule all in this trend report as maximalism continues to be on the agenda. Add to your naked-but-for-glitter-boots a whimsical pair of shades, and you’re set. If this seems a bit daring for you, Vogue suggests oversized decadent coats and checked prints in all ways, shapes and forms.

“Rock the Party” titles the jewellery feature which shows models dripping in large “stones the size of gobstoppers” and fulfils my fantasy of wearing chunky rings of every finger, à la Phoebe Buffay. This brings us nicely to the Zadie Smith – squeals with excitement – guest edit on none other than the Queen of England. Zadie Smith discusses the elusive idea of the monarchy, and it’s juxtaposition with how “intensely familiar” the Queen feels. It’s true that when questioned about the monarchy, for example, if you happen to be in America and someone brings up the Queen, you would talk about her as if you knew her personally. “Yeah we have the Queen, she loves corgis.” When talking about the Queen’s fashion choices, Smith claims, “to put it in lower-middle-class terms, she found “what suited her” and she “stuck to it.” I think we’ve all appreciated the matchy-matchy colour blocked looks the Queen presents us with topped off with a fabulous hat sat atop perfectly formed curls.

Move on to Salman Rushdie feature about how his family taught him to tolerate Christmas – sitting here looking at my already tinsel decorated fireplace, I find it hard to relate to the concept of a “holiday cynic” but am pleased when the focus of the article turns to his new views on Christmas due to the impact of his family, aww. “There is the annual ocean of wrapping paper. There are Christmas jumpers, even brussels sprouts.” Confirmed: my family is just like the Rushdies, something I didn’t think I’d ever be typing…

The inclusion of favourite Christmas recipes from the likes of Stella Tennant, Erin O’Connor and Karen Elson – whose blood orange sorbet sounds to die for – makes me wish this was mulled wine instead of £5 Sauvignon Blanc (I’ll just stir in some cinnamon – maybe that’s half-finished bottle of wine talking…)

The Selfridges sponsored piece, advertising their new accessories hall, features one of my favourite runway looks ever, brought to you by Raf Simons’ for Calvin Klein. I’ve already purchased a white turtleneck, which, when paired with my blue jumper, gives more Ron Burgundy vibes rather than a colour blocked Raf Simons’ masterpiece.

“Wow Naomi is rocking that suit”, is the first thought that pops into my mind when I see the Sadiq Khan Interview crop up. Naomi interviews in true Naomi style, relating it to herself. We find out they’re both from south London and were born in the same year and both had similar childhood experiences growing up. She begins by asking questions I would think you’d ask any musician – what was your first album growing up, (Off the Wall btw) and did you have a Saturday job. She then moves into hard-hitting questions on Brexit, diversity and race concerns in London and the LGBT community. “The great thing about London is that if you’re different, you’re respected, celebrated and embraced.”

Yay! Editorials! In “Creatures of change” it features emerging London talent showing how different artists and designers view themselves through a self-portrait. Right now is probably an accurate representation of me – hair still wet from my shower, a glass of wine in hand with the glare of my laptop screen acting as the perfect ring light for my selfie-self-portrait.

The images in the Pat McGrath beauty feature are mouth-dropping-open amazing (still waiting for her to respond to my dm…). My one main thought though is how are the model’s eyes not watering with all that embellishment? *claps in appreciation* *spills wine*

Adwoa’s cover editorial comes at just the right time. The contrast between the black and white images and the high colour images with the focused and blurry are such a joy to flick through. Following this is perhaps my favourite editorial of the issue – photographed by Juergen Teller, models are seen surrounded by sparse woods in colourful and eccentric looks, and I immediately add “Go to the woods in couture” to my bucket list. The delightfully sweet spread showing the next gen of great actresses feels like lemon sorbet rushing down your throat as Miu Miu dresses, and pink frothy Giambattista Valli gowns grace the bodies of Millie Bobbie Brown and Mia Goth among others.

“Ginger Nutz” by Grace Coddington, who dresses the Michael Roberts illustrated orang-utan, prompts me to high five my reflection in my laptop screen for being within the 1% of people on earth who have red hair.


Thanks, Dad!

The final page features the question “What would Kate Moss do?” and finally my life is complete. The revelation that I should never ask for a selfie with a celebrity and cure a hangover with oysters and chilled sauvignon blanc answers the questions I never knew I needed to know.

With this information, story time comes to an end. You may now decide whether the wine has lulled you to sleep or put you in the YSL party boot mood. I am currently undecided; maybe another glass will help…

Thank you, Edward Enninful for this wonderful journey. xx

By Fiona Patterson

Instagram: @fionapatterson1